Just Another Day . . . with my dear friend Fibromyalgia

I've had a rough go the last four or five days.  Lots of pain.  My coping strategy is to ignore it and just keep going.  Wes has come to understand that when I am busiest around the house, it is a sign of my discomfort.  He is so sweet because he does notice this and offers to take over whatever I happen to be cleaning or fixing.  He doesn't understand that I can't bear to go lay down as he suggests I do.  When I keep busy, I don't think about how I feel. The pain is kept at bay in the back of my mind as I focus on the tasks at hand. 

Business  usually works, but sometimes I fail to see that because of the pain I get rather snappy and short with my family.  I don't usually recognize what's going on until I lose my temper at someone.  Then, putting myself on time out in my room, I ask myself, "What is wrong with me?  That kid didn't do anything bad, why am I grousing at them?"  As I sit there feeling guilty, I suddenly realize that my head, neck, back, and especially legs are throbbing with pain.  I think about the pain.  It consumes me.  I'm on fire and under a steam roller.  There's not much I can do about the pain.  I want to fall into oblivion, become unconscious . . .but the likelihood of sleep is a far off dream.  The pain will go away with time. 

After 10 years of trying to figure out the what, where, when, and why of the pain, I still don't understand what triggers it.  At least not completely.  Sometimes I can prevent it--I avoid certain foods and try to stay away from crowded, noisy places (well--I don't really stay away, but I know that for two days afterwards I'm not going to feel well).  I exercise moderately and sleep regular hours.  All these things help, but none of them cure me.  Sometimes, inexplicably, I just hurt!

I can't fix the pain I have, but I can fix the pain I  cause.  I apologize to the child  (or to Wes) and explain to them that it wasn't their fault I was short-tempered and grumpy.  I tell them I hurt.  We talk.  We hug.

It is usually loud, wrestly-silly activities that cause me to snap.  But kids are kids, they need to be loud and wrestly and silly.  So sometimes when I hurt and they are energetic, I hide.  In my quiet room.  For a while.  They are learning that this doesn't mean I don't like them, but that I can't handle the activity and noise. 

Since I don't wrestle and chase, my favorite thing to do with my children is read to them.  We must have thousands of books under our belts that we've read together and I've turned my children into book addicts! The girls and I also like to color together.  It's fun that even Ryanne enjoys this.  She says it is "therapeutic."  We color fairies with colored pencils and gel-pens that my mom gave us.  Sometimes Leah and Elias play card games with me and sometimes I build towers of blocks with Elias.  Leah likes all kinds of crafts and lately we have been scrap-booking together: she does her pictures while I work on Elias's.

The hardest person for me to connect with is Mckay because he's really not into coloring, or playing cards, and he's too old for me to read to him (so he says, although he often sneaks near me when I am reading to Elias and Leah).  Being 13, Mckay is into loud, big, outdoor, action.  I'm still searching for something we can do together that he likes.  In the meantime, I feed him a lot and make him special snacks.  He likes that and I don't worry about it because he is a tall toothpick.  (He grew another inch and a half in the last month!!!  He's up to 5'7").

I used to worry so much that I wouldn't be a good enough mom because I couldn't do and be everything I thought I should be for my kids because of my fibromyalgia.  But I am watching them grow into understanding, forgiving, and very capable people.  They know how to work and to cook and to maintain a house.  They can take care of themselves and each other.  They are friends with each other.  They are willing to forgive.  They are tender and compassionate. They share my struggles with me and it has changed their lives as well as mine.  Sometimes it is very frustrating for all of us.  But we are growing together because of it. 


When I was first officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia I had a lot of anger and depression.  I even had a few moments of anger at the Lord.  I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life being held back from my goals and aspirations by some stupid, non-understood illness.  I wanted to run marathons, be a super-mom involved in everything, single-handedly change the world! (Just kidding).  I cried a lot.  I complained a lot to Wes.  I didn't really talk to anyone else about how I felt, but I had a good friend at that time who saved me.  She didn't know much about my fibro and I didn't say much. But she would come over and hold my babies and play with my children and talk.  She kept my mind on other things and helped me to find joy in my life the way it was.  She never judged me for all the things I wasn't getting done that I thought I should be getting done. 

I look back now and see how loving God was to send this friend into my life at just the right moment.  He knew what I needed then.  He still does. 

I have learned so much about myself because of my limitations.  My character has changed over the years.  I am continuously learning patience for myself and for others.  I learn not to judge, but to find out what peoples' stories are.  I have a much greater empathy and compassion.  I have learned to be happy with what I can do even though it doesn't seem like much compared to so many others I know. I am limited and I have come to be content with that (most of the time)!  Of course, all these things are a continuous work in progress within me, but I am learning and changing my very being because of this illness. 


And I really can't wait for the resurrection!

Mckay's Birthday Presents

Mckay was very hard to shop for this year.  His birthday is Nov. 30th.  But his,"I Dunno???" answer to our question of, "What do you want for your birthday or for Christmas?" did not help any of us parents or grandparents.  I tried threatening him with no presents, but he still couldn't give us any suggestions.
Finally Wes and I had a thought.  This was something he loved doing at boy scout camp this past summer: Archery.  It was a little pricey, but since we couldn't think of anything else, here's what we did:

We bought him two bows and some arrows, and a bale of straw,
and marched it all over to an empty field.
Then we let loose!

Mckay was very excited.  He really liked his present. 

I think Elias is wearing the bike helmet just in case he gets shot!
Hee-Hee!
Dad is talking about "The Rules"
Leah is pulling up her pants!

AHH! Don't shoot!
Wait, wasn't one of those rules something about NOT pointing those arrows at people?!
Oh, they don't really have arrows, they're just faking!

Dad spent most of his time helping. 
But he also got some pretty good shooting in too.

Leah probably enjoyed it the least.
After her turn, she would gladly run off to play with Elias.

Cheesey grin!
I love archery.  But I'm not very good at it!

Somebody's hitting the target.  Just not me!

Ryanne and Mckay like it the best.
Ryanne feels like she's Katniss Everdeen.
But Mckay is a better shot!

"Hey Mom!"  "If you don't stop shooting pictures, I'm going to shoot you!"



Come Back!

Dear Charlynn, Edith, Jennifer L, Jennifer D., Shonna, and all my other friends who have moved away:
Please move back! I miss you! 
(BIG SILLY SMILE)!

Not Soon Enough!

Out of four of my children, three of them have wet the bed.  Until age 8.  This is not a fun part of life: send them to bed at 8:30.  Wake them up at 10:30.  Wake them up at 12:30.  Wake them up at 2:30.  Oops, I slept 'till 3:30 . . .  too late, they are soaked.  Sigh.  Wake up the kid.  Change everything.  Do it again the next day and the next and the next. 

They didn't quite get that "sleeping through the night" when they were babies and they aren't quite letting me get to that point now. 

Trust me, we've tried plenty of remedies.  Nothing works.  It's a genetic curse.  All I can hope for is that this last one will grow out of it SOON!

Exercise . . .

I tried to prepare.  I used my asthma inhaler.  Twice.  I stretched and did yoga for 15 minutes.  I mentally exclaimed my overall fitness . . . "I can do this!"

Is it possible for ones lungs to feel like fire inside a vacuum?  Is that even possible?  Collapsing into a fire maybe is what they were doing. 

Not to mention that someone had a winch on my hamstrings.  With every step they were pulled tighter and tighter. 

I failed to run four miles.  But I did make it three.  Well, "run" might not be the correct verb to use in this case.  Perhaps it was a type of slow-motion running.  Or maybe it was just crawling. 

There will be consequences.  Just don't tell me about them until tomorrow!

Christmas 2012

Here are some pics from Christmas.  We celebrated with my family on the 22nd to accommodate my brothers' families who came from out of state to be at Elias and Jordan's Baptisms.  It is so great to be together with all three of my siblings and their kids! 

 

Before the deluge of family: Andrews Christmas Tree Decorating Evening.
Every year those bobbles get more and more evenly spaced
and make their way higher and higher up the tree . . .
 I guess my kids are growing up!

Being Silly

With Mom.

Another tradition: Mimi always makes sugar cookies and ginger bread houses
and Chex mix with the grand kids. 

Stars!

Leah and Liam get construction tips from Uncle William.

Hugs from Ryanne.

 

 

Of course, the hugs came after this!

Silly Mimi!

We love Mimi
(and we love treats)!

One of our creations: a Star Tree

Uncle William snuggles one of his twins.
This one is Emmie. 
See if you can find the other one later . . . .

Oh! Here is Emmie again, this time with pretty mommy.

And now Emmie is back to Dad.
 She can't decide who to hang out with , she loves them both so. 

YAAAA! Wood Pile on Uncle William!

After wood pile snuggles.

Liam (the little one) climbed up on the kitchen counter to nibble on the Gingerbread houses.
He was soon followed by his big brother Ryker.

AH! Aunty Melissa! You caught us!
Later I found Liam, Ryker, Elias, Alaina, and Mckay all
 climbing up and encircling the candy houses -- nibble nibble like a mouse!

Uncle Wes squeezes Ryker -Boy!

There's William with two of his three.
Where is that twin?

Awwe.  Liam loves Daddy!
 

This is an unusual occurrence.
Since when does Uncle Brice nap with the children?
Usually he is the one at the center of the child mayhem!

Princess Alaina opening a present from Mimi and Papa.

Fuzzy, but I love her face!
And she loves her pony!

Landon gets help from mommy to open his present.

Peek-A-Boo!
There she is!
That's the other twin--
Elsie, we found you!
Why are you upside down?

The twins are not two peas in a pod,
but they are definitely sweet peas!

 

 

Elsie and Emmie got baby dolls from Mimi and Papa.
They loved them!

 

My parents, who have become wood crafters, made this pull-along caterpillar!
 It was awesome!

Landon loves his!

He also loves the wooden rocking horse they made for him. 

Emmie loved her rocking horse so much, she refused to get off!

Finally Elsie got a turn.

 

Don't Laugh!
Because they plan on making many more wooden toys,
 Jordan bought Mimi and Papa some respirators and goggles!

 

 

All this excitement has Landon tired out.

 

Tickles form Uncle Wes can get him smiling again!

 

 

This is NOT the twins!
This is Emmie with her cousin Ailey.
Emmie and Elsie are 6 mos. and Ailey is 10 mos. 

Ryanne loves to hold Ailey.

I couldn't find many pictures of Jordan and  that was
because he spent most of his day outside playing ball!

Wahooo! Yay for boys and backyards and balls!

Someone else got tired out . . . 

But not too tired to arm wrestle with Mckay!



William where we most often find William.
Don't give me that look!
You know it's true!



 

 

 

Like father like Liam!

 Mckay joins the music.

 Pretty Alaina. 

 

Hugs from Mimi.

 

 Whatever you do, Do NOT ask Brice about his T-Rex!

 

Mckay with Angel and Emmie.

 

 No body but Papa gets that belly-laugh!

Awwe!

 

 

 What in the world? 

Well, Merry Christmas!